fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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