Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize