And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
