And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
