so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
