he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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