using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
