um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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