im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Randomize
