My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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