You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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