When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
