I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
