think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my phone needs a breathalizer
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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