So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
