i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
