she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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