Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
