guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
