bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
