I think my fart just growled at me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
