Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
