I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
