uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
