Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
pop tarts are not kleenex
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
