Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
