take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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