the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
