god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
