I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
