Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she told me i tasted like america
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize