Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
