Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize