i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
