Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
