I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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