Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
