Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Shame is for Republicans.
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