no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
