yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
