remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
