Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
