His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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