I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
