Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?

(217): View more from Illinois

Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate

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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...

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