I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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