My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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