lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The Olympian is in my bed
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize