There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
how does that bad decision feel?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
