so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
