At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He has the fingertips of a God
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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