We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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