Swine flu. Run for my life!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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