Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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