I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Actions speak louder than pants.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
