Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
