Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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