Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
