she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
