dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
