I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
