Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
