There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
