On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
