I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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