It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize