Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
