I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
