Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize